You wake up tired after another broken night, push through a day of school calls, appointments and forms on tea and willpower, then collapse on the sofa too exhausted to do anything but scroll.
Feeling exhausted and stressed at the same time is one of the most common things parents and carers of children with SEN describe, and many parent carers will recognise it straight away. When you’re “on” all the time, it catches up with you. You’re not lazy and you’re not imagining it. Here’s why it happens, what to check, and some gentle ways to recharge, fifteen minutes at a time.
Why am I so exhausted and stressed as an SEN parent?
Stress and tiredness feed each other. Stress makes it harder to sleep well, and poor sleep makes everything feel more stressful. Add in a long to-do list, caring for a child with additional needs and very little time to rest, and it’s easy to end up running on empty.
Why do I feel tired but wired?
“Tired but wired” is that strange feeling of being exhausted but unable to relax. Your body is worn out, but your mind is still on alert from the day, still listening out for your child, still running through tomorrow. It’s often a sign that you’ve been going without proper breaks for too long.
Is it burnout?
Burnout tends to creep up slowly. Signs can include feeling exhausted even after rest, feeling detached or cynical, finding small tasks hard, and losing interest in things you usually enjoy. If that sounds familiar, it’s a sign you need more than a good night’s sleep. You need some of the load taken off.
Could something else be making you tired?
It’s worth ruling out other causes. The NHS guide to tiredness and fatigue explains common reasons, and some, like low iron or thyroid problems, can be checked with a simple blood test. If you’re going through perimenopause, it can also cause tiredness and poor sleep, so see the NHS menopause pages too. If you’ve felt exhausted for a few weeks, it’s worth booking a GP appointment.
Gentle ways for parent carers to recharge in 15 minutes
When you’re running on empty, big self-care plans feel impossible. These calm moments are small enough to actually happen, and there are more simple self-care ideas for SEN parents who always come last if you need them. And they’re not only for you: children borrow our calm, so a more rested you can help them feel steadier too.
1. Do absolutely nothing, on purpose
Not scrolling, not tidying. Just sitting. It’s harder than it sounds and more restoring than you’d think.
2. Give yourself permission to rest
Rest isn’t a reward for finishing everything. It’s what lets you keep going. Give yourself permission to do nothing productive for fifteen minutes.
3. Get some daylight
A short walk outside, especially in the morning and somewhere green if you can, may lift your energy more than another coffee.
4. Eat something warm and nourishing
When you’re exhausted, it’s easy to live on toast and biscuits, or your child’s leftovers. A pot of soup is simple, warming and lasts for days. Eat it slowly, with no scrolling.
5. Take a slow bath and an early night
One early night a week can make a real difference. Start with a slow, unhurried bath, then go straight to bed.
6. Drop one thing
Look at your week and choose one commitment to cancel, delegate or simply do less well. Protecting your energy is not selfish.
When to see your GP
Please speak to your GP if you’ve felt exhausted for more than a few weeks, if tiredness is affecting your daily life, if it’s lasting or getting worse, or if you feel low, anxious or unable to cope. The NHS guide to stress and the Mental Health Foundation also have helpful information.
Looking after you is part of looking after them. For more calm moments made for parents and carers of children with SEN, visit Self-care for SEN parents and carers. And on the hard days, the SEN Mums Journal has a page for you and a page for your child.
