Is your dyslexic child coming home quiet, upset or afraid to go back to school? Bullying is hard for any child, and dyslexic children can be easy targets. Here’s how to spot the signs, a 10-minute way to start the conversation, and how to work with the school to make it stop.
Many of us remember what it felt like to be teased at school: standing alone in the playground, or arriving at the school gates afraid of what the day would bring. That’s why it hurts so much to see it happen to our own children. Once the school gates shut, you can’t be there to protect them.
Dyslexic children can be picked on because they:
- struggle with reading out loud in class
- find spelling and writing hard
- seem messy or disorganised
- get extra help or leave the classroom for support
The good news is that there is a lot you can do. Bullying is never your child’s fault, and with calm, steady support from you and the school, it can be stopped.
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Dyslexic Mum’s story
A parent’s story
Dyslexic Mum shares her own experience:
“Growing up in the 1980s, bullying was something you were told to live with. If you told a teacher you were being bullied, they would often just tell you to go away, or call you a telltale. Parents would say, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.’ We all know that isn’t true. Bullying can lead to lifelong problems with confidence and self-esteem.
At school, I was bullied because I’m dyslexic. Children in the popular gang would leave me out of games and spread rumours about me. They called me names like stupid, scruffy and smelly, because I was messy and disorganised. I struggled in class because of my dyslexia, and other children didn’t want to be friends with me. In the end, I learned to be a bit of a loner, an outsider, and that has followed me through life. Even now, when I meet a new group of people, I don’t expect them to like me.”
Try it today: a 10-minute school chat
Pick a relaxed moment, like a walk, a car journey or bedtime. Children often find it easier to talk when you’re side by side rather than face to face.
- Ask about the best and worst bits (3 minutes). Try, “What was the best part of today? What was the hardest part?” rather than “Was everyone nice to you?”
- Ask about break times (3 minutes). “Who did you play with at lunch? Is there anyone who makes you feel bad?” Listen without interrupting, and stay calm whatever they say.
- Thank them and make a plan (4 minutes). Tell them, “Thank you for telling me. It’s not your fault.” Then agree one next step together, like talking to their teacher.
If they don’t want to talk today, that’s OK. Keep the door open and try again another day.
Want ready-made ways to talk about feelings?
The Mooki Cards deck has 56 ten-minute activities for you and your child, with simple steps for you on the front and a picture activity for your child on the back. They help you talk about feelings, build confidence and get help from school.
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What is bullying?
Children fall out and say unkind things sometimes. Bullying is different. It is usually:
- repeated: it happens again and again, not just once
- intentional: the other child means to hurt or upset, and carries on even when they can see your child is upset
- about power: the child doing it has more power, for example because they are older, more popular or part of a group
Bullying can be name-calling, leaving a child out, spreading rumours, pushing or hitting, taking things, or unkind messages online. The Anti-Bullying Alliance (UK) and StopBullying.gov (US) both have clear advice for parents.
Children who bully are often struggling too, perhaps unhappy at home or finding school hard. It helps to remember they are still children. But your priority is your own child’s safety, and it’s the school’s job to deal with the other child’s behaviour.
Signs your child is being bullied
Children often feel embarrassed or ashamed and may not tell you. They may think they are the problem, and that if they were better at sport, or didn’t have dyslexia, it would stop. Look out for:
- a change in behaviour: a happy child becoming quiet, withdrawn, tearful or angry
- a difference between school days and weekends: upset after school, more relaxed at the weekend
- fewer friends: not talking about school friends, not inviting children home, no excitement about parties or school discos
- negative self-talk: saying unkind things about how they look or act
- not wanting to go to school: tummy aches or headaches in the morning, or asking to stay at home
- lost or damaged things: missing belongings, torn clothes or unexplained bruises
Stay calm: don’t confront the other child
It’s natural to feel furious. But try not to turn up at school shouting, or stop the other child at the school gates to ask, “Why did you bully my child?” The same goes for confronting their parents.
This usually makes things worse. It can embarrass your child, and it can turn attention away from the bullying and onto you. Take a deep breath, and work with the school instead.
Work with the school
Schools should take bullying seriously. Many celebrate children’s differences and teach that it’s OK to be different. Here’s how to get the school on your side:
- Ask for the anti-bullying policy. Schools should have one. It tells you what they have promised to do.
- Keep a written record. Note each incident: the date, what happened, who was involved and how your child felt. Keep screenshots of anything online.
- Meet the class teacher. Share your notes calmly and ask what the school will do, and when you’ll hear back.
- Follow up in writing. After any meeting, send a short email summing up what was agreed.
- Escalate if nothing changes. In the UK, go to the head teacher, then the school governors. In the US, go to the principal, then the school district.
You can also ask the school to help other children understand dyslexia, for example with a class talk or assembly. Anti-Bullying Week, run by the Anti-Bullying Alliance each November in the UK, and National Bullying Prevention Month each October in the US, are good times to ask.
If the school doesn’t act, know that this is not acceptable. Keep pushing, politely and in writing, until it does.
Talk with your child, using books
Your child might not want to talk about bullying straight away. Stories are a gentle way in. Children often find it easier to talk about a character than about themselves. Afterwards, ask, “How do you think they felt? What would you have done?”
Books to try:
- Weird! by Erin Frankel: a story about a girl who is teased and finds her confidence
- How I Beat My Bully by Niels van Hove: a story inspired by true events
- I Am Enough by Grace Byers: a picture book about loving who you are
- Be Kind by Pat Zietlow Miller and Jen Hill: a picture book about what kindness really means
Stories about strong dyslexic role models can also help your child believe in themselves.
Build your child’s confidence
A child who feels proud of who they are is more resilient against unkind words. You can help by:
- praising effort and specific things they do well
- finding activities they enjoy and are good at, like art, sport, building or music
- helping them make friends outside school, through clubs or groups
- practising simple, confident replies, like “Stop, I don’t like that,” and walking away to find an adult
- talking about dyslexia positively: it’s a different way of thinking, not a lack of intelligence
When to get more help
If your child is very distressed, won’t go to school, or talks about hurting themselves, don’t wait. Talk to your GP or doctor. In the UK, children can call Childline free on 0800 1111, and the NSPCC has advice for parents. If your child is in immediate danger, call 999 in the UK or 911 in the US.
Helpful articles
- Building confidence in a dyslexic child
- How to get dyslexia help from teachers
- Angry outbursts in dyslexic children
- Anxiety in kids: a guide to worries
The bottom line
If your dyslexic child is being bullied, stay calm, listen, and remind them it’s not their fault. Keep a written record, work with the school and keep pushing until things change. At home, use stories and small wins to build their confidence. The Mooki Cards deck has 56 ten-minute activities to help you talk about feelings and support your child.
