Stress rarely announces itself, and the symptoms of stress in SEN parents are easy to brush off. For many SEN mums, it hides behind phrases like “I’m just tired” or “it’s been a busy week”, after another round of appointments, school calls and forms, until one day you realise you cannot remember the last time you felt properly relaxed.
Recognising the symptoms of stress is the first step towards doing something about it. In this article, we look at the common signs, why mums of children with SEN may feel stress a little differently, and some gentle ways to help your body and mind reset, inspired by hygge, the Danish idea of cosy comfort.
This article is for general information and is not a substitute for medical advice. If you are worried about your health, please speak to your GP.
What is stress?
Stress is usually a reaction to mental or emotional pressure. When you feel under pressure, your body releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. In short bursts, this can help you get things done. But when stress goes on for a long time, it can start to affect how you feel physically, mentally and in how you behave.
The NHS points out that it is not always easy to recognise when stress is the reason you are feeling or acting differently, which is why it is worth knowing the signs.
Physical symptoms of stress
- Headaches or dizziness
- Muscle tension, especially in the neck, shoulders and jaw
- Stomach problems
- A faster heartbeat or chest discomfort
- Trouble sleeping, or waking up feeling unrested
- Feeling tired all the time
Emotional and mental symptoms
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Constant worrying or a racing mind
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Being forgetful
- Feeling irritable, tearful or low
Changes in behaviour
- Snapping at people you love
- Eating more or less than usual
- Relying more on caffeine, alcohol or sugar to get through the day
- Withdrawing from friends or things you usually enjoy
- Never quite switching off, even when you have time to rest
Why stress can feel different for SEN mums
If you feel like you are barely coping, you are far from alone. In a large UK study by the Mental Health Foundation, almost three in four people said they had felt so stressed in the past year that they were overwhelmed or unable to cope.
Many mums of children with SEN juggle work, caring responsibilities and the mental load of running a household, alongside appointments, EHCP paperwork and being “on” all the time. It can be hard to switch off when you are always ready for the next phone call. Hormonal changes can play a part too. Around the menopause, for example, symptoms such as poor sleep, anxiety and low mood can make stress feel harder to manage. The NHS menopause pages are a helpful place to start if you think this could be affecting you.
Gentle ways to reset
These small rituals will not remove the cause of your stress, but they can help your body come out of high alert. Each takes around fifteen minutes. And because children borrow our calm, a few minutes spent looking after yourself can help them feel calmer too.
If you are not sleeping well
Bright lights late in the evening can keep your body feeling alert. Try switching to lamps or candles and putting your phone away an hour before bed.
If your body feels tense
Warmth and touch help muscles relax. A slow, unhurried bath or a warm oil hand massage are both lovely ways to ease physical tension.
If your mind will not stop racing
Getting thoughts onto paper can quieten a busy mind. Try writing one line about how you want the day to feel, or simply list what is worrying you and what can wait until tomorrow. If forms and emails are on your mind, write those down too, so they are out of your head for the evening.
If you feel overwhelmed
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is stop. Give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing, on purpose, even for a few minutes.
If you feel cut off or flat
Fresh air and green space can lift your mood. A short walk somewhere green or simply stepping outside to feel the air can help you feel more grounded.
For more ideas, see the NHS’s 10 stress busters, or these calm moments for when life feels like a constant rush.
When to get help
Please speak to your GP if:
- You are struggling to cope with stress
- Things you are trying yourself are not helping
- Stress is affecting your sleep, appetite, work or relationships
- You have physical symptoms such as chest pain that you are worried about
In England you can also refer yourself to NHS talking therapies. Mind has more information about stress and where to find support. If you are finding things very hard and need to talk to someone now, Samaritans are available day or night on 116 123.
A gentle reminder
Noticing the signs of stress is not a failure. It is your body asking for care. Caring for a child with SEN asks a lot of you, so start with one small, cosy pause today, and if you need more support, reach out for it. You deserve to feel calm again.
Looking after you is part of looking after them. For more calm moments made for mums of children with SEN, visit For parents. And if you’d like simple 10-minute activities to help your child, Mooki Cards starter packs are free until 31 January with the code HELPEVERYCHILD.