When was the last time you had a whole evening that belonged only to you? For SEN parents, choosing to spend an evening alone, on purpose, can feel like a rare luxury.
When you are a mum of a child with SEN, being alone tends to happen by accident, usually late at night when you are too tired to enjoy it. Between appointments, school calls, paperwork, the endless household jobs and being needed all day, rarely do we plan it.
This week, why not take 15 minutes for a calm moment, inspired by hygge, the Danish idea of cosy comfort, and spend an evening alone, on purpose? Use those 15 minutes to set up a cosy evening for one, then let yourself enjoy your own company.
Tea for one is still a treat.
Make it cosy
Make your evening feel chosen, not leftover:
- A favourite meal, even if it is just something on toast
- Your comfiest clothes and thickest socks
- A candle, a lamp and the curtains drawn
- A book, a film or a project you have been saving
- A note on the calendar so everyone knows this is your night, and someone you trust lined up for bedtime
Your 15 minutes of setting up solitude
- Clear the decks. Turn down invitations and put the chores and forms on hold.
- Tidy one spot. Just the corner where you will spend the evening.
- Get your treats ready. Snacks, drinks and anything else you fancy.
- Change into something soft. Mark the shift from busy to restful.
- Silence your phone. Let the world wait until morning.
Slow it right down
Being alone by choice is very different from feeling lonely. It is a chance to hear your own thoughts and do exactly what you want, at your own pace. Time to recharge also helps you bring a steadier calm back to your child, and children borrow our calm.
As the evening unfolds, try to notice:
- How the house sounds when it is just you
- What you reach for when nobody else is choosing
- The moment your shoulders finally relax
- How refreshed you feel the next morning
Finish gently
End the night with a warm bath or a hot drink in bed, and go to sleep feeling looked after. If you’d like more ideas for time that is just yours, these simple self-care ideas for SEN parents who always come last are a lovely place to start.
You could also:
- Book a solo evening into your diary once a month
- Take yourself to the cinema or a cafe alone
- Swap evenings with your partner so you both get one
- Keep a list of things you love doing on your own
Do blow out any candles before you go to bed.
Your 15-minute challenge
This week, give yourself 15 minutes.
Choose your evening. Tell the people who need to know. Get your cosy corner ready.
Then close the door and enjoy being on your own.
It does not have to be a pampering session. It does not have to be the whole night.
It just has to be this week.
You are good company too. Every SEN mum is.
Looking after you is part of looking after them. For more calm moments made for mums of children with SEN, visit For parents. And if you’d like simple 10-minute activities to help your child, Mooki Cards starter packs are free until 31 January with the code HELPEVERYCHILD.