If you have ever read a self-care list and laughed at the idea of a two-hour bath or a weekend yoga retreat, this guide to self-care for SEN parents is for you.
When you are a mum of a child with SEN, self-care has to fit into the gaps: the ten minutes before everyone wakes up, the quiet after bedtime, the wait outside an appointment, the walk back from the school gate after a tricky drop-off. Between the phone calls, the forms and being “on” all day, those gaps can feel tiny. The good news is that small moments, done often, can make a real difference to how you feel.
These ideas are inspired by hygge, the Danish idea of cosy comfort. Rather than adding another task to your list, it is about making the ordinary moments you already have a little warmer and calmer.
Why self-care matters for mums
Looking after yourself is not selfish. It is what helps you keep going. The NHS recommends setting aside regular time for yourself as one of its key ways to manage stress, and notes that many of us do not spend enough time doing things we really enjoy.
For SEN mums, that time rarely appears on its own. You have to tuck it into the day. Here is how.
Morning: before the rush
Ten quiet minutes with your tea
If you can, wake up just ten minutes before everyone else. Make a hot drink, sit by a window and leave your phone face down. It sets a calmer tone for the whole day, for your child as well as for you, because children borrow our calm.
Light a candle while you get ready
It sounds small, but a candle on the bathroom shelf turns a rushed routine into a little ritual.
Daytime: in the gaps
Make the school run a mindful walk
If you walk back alone after drop-off, take the long way through the park. Notice the trees, the sky and the air on your face. Time outdoors is linked to lower stress, and it can help you let go of a difficult morning before the rest of the day begins.
Use quiet time for you, not just jobs
It is tempting to use every quiet moment to catch up on chores, emails or forms. Try giving the first fifteen minutes to yourself instead: a book, a cup of tea, or simply sitting still. The washing, and the paperwork, will still be there.
Keep a calm bag ready
A bag with a book, a notebook, a flask and a snack means you are always ready to grab a moment of calm, whether you are waiting at swimming lessons, sitting in a waiting room or parked outside school.
Evening: after bedtime
Switch to lamp light
Once the children are in bed, turn off the big light and switch on a lamp or two. It instantly signals that the busy part of the day is over.
Have one cosy corner that is yours
A chair, a blanket and a lamp that are just for you. No toys, no laundry, no laptop, no paperwork.
Write one good thing down
Before bed, jot down one moment from the day that made you smile. On hard days, this small habit helps you remember that there was still some light in it.
Letting go of mum guilt
Many mums feel guilty taking time for themselves, and when your child has SEN there always seems to be one more thing to chase. But rest is not a reward you have to earn by finishing everything first. A calmer, more rested you is better for the whole family.
If it helps, think of these moments as part of looking after your family rather than time away from it. Children learn from what they see, and showing them that it is okay to slow down is a lovely lesson to pass on.
When self-care is not enough
Sometimes feeling exhausted and overwhelmed is more than everyday stress. If you are feeling low, anxious or unable to cope, especially in the months after having a baby, please speak to your GP or health visitor. The NHS and Mind both have helpful information on where to get support.
Start with fifteen minutes
You do not need to do all of these. Pick one that feels possible and try it today. A 15-minute calm moment is enough to start. For more ideas, here are some simple self-care ideas for SEN parents who always come last.
Looking after you is part of looking after them. For more calm moments made for mums of children with SEN, visit For parents. And if you’d like simple 10-minute activities to help your child, Mooki Cards starter packs are free until 31 January with the code HELPEVERYCHILD.