If you are a parent or carer of a child with SEN, you will know how rarely your mind gets to rest. The day is a blur of appointments, phone calls from school, forms to fill in, meltdowns to help with and messages to answer. Even when the house finally goes quiet, your head can carry on spinning, running through tomorrow’s list or replaying today. So many of us, mums especially, feel like we are “on” all the time. These calm moments for SEN parents are for exactly those times when your mind won’t switch off.
Looking after your own calm is not a luxury. Children borrow our calm, so the more settled you feel, the more you have to share with them. Each of these ideas takes about 15 minutes, and they are inspired by hygge, the Danish idea of cosy comfort. Some suit the morning, some the evening and some those wide-awake moments in between, so pick whichever fits the day you are having.
1. Have a screen-free morning
Leave your phone charging in the kitchen and give the first 15 minutes of the day to yourself. Open the curtains, make a warm drink and sit by the window while the street wakes up. Whatever is waiting on your phone, from the school app to the group chat, will still be there in an hour. The quiet start is the part that disappears.
2. Notice three sounds around you
Sit down, close your eyes and listen. Find the nearest sound first, maybe a clock or your own breathing, then something in the next room, then the furthest sound you can hear. There is no need to judge them, just notice them and let them be. It is a simple way to step out of a busy head, and it works as a quiet game with children on a walk or a car journey too, which can be especially soothing if your child struggles with anxiety.
3. Take a walk with nowhere to be
Leave the headphones at home, step out of the door and turn whichever way you like. Follow what looks interesting, walk a little slower than usual and let your thoughts drift. Without a destination there is no reason to rush, which makes a lovely change from the school run and the dash to appointments.
4. Notice five textures on a walk
Slow your pace and look for contrasts: rough and smooth, soft and spiky, wet and dry. Run your fingers over bark, moss or a cold railing, and notice the grass, gravel or leaves underfoot. Name each texture quietly until you have found five. It brings you out of your head and back into your hands, and many children enjoy it as a sensory game on the way to school. Keep to paths you know and steer clear of nettles and thorns.
5. Change into your comfiest clothes as soon as you get home
Before you start cooking or answering messages, head straight upstairs and swap your day clothes for something soft. Wash your face or hands with warm water, then sit down with a warm drink for a few minutes. It might feel like a waste of time when there are jobs to do, but it is a simple way to tell yourself that part of the day is done.
6. Sit still until your mind slows down
Find your comfiest seat, wrap a blanket round your shoulders and put your phone out of reach. Scribble any nagging thoughts on a notepad first, from the forms to the reply you forgot, so you can let them go. You are not trying to empty your mind, just giving it time to unwind. Fidgeting at first is completely normal, and thoughts often slow down once they realise you are not going anywhere.
7. Play a playlist and just listen
Choose four or five songs you love, get comfortable and press play with no chores and no phone. Close your eyes, follow one instrument or really hear the words. If you catch yourself planning dinner, just bring your attention back to the next note. When the last song ends, sit in the quiet for a moment before you get up.
8. Start a jigsaw with no rush to finish
Tip out the pieces on a table where the puzzle can stay out, find the edges and sort a few colours. Fit a few pieces, enjoy the click as each one slots in, then stop when you are ready. Leaving it to come back to is part of the pleasure, and the whole family can add a piece when they pass.
9. Switch off the big light and keep one lamp on
Walk round the house switching off the overhead lights and screens, then turn on just one lamp in the room where you want to rest. Settle close to its glow and give your eyes a minute to adjust. It might feel a little dim at first, but low, warm light is a gentle signal that the busy part of the day is over, which is why it helps to dim the lights an hour before sleep. Leave the lamp in place so the cosy room is ready and waiting tomorrow evening.
10. Wrap up in two blankets and softer bedding
Layer a soft throw next to your skin with a heavier knitted blanket on top, tuck in your feet and hold something warm. A little extra weight and warmth can help you feel calm and held, and your shoulders tend to drop on their own. When the nights draw in, it is worth swapping the bed’s summer sheets for brushed cotton and a thicker duvet too, so going to bed feels like a small act of care for the person who sleeps there. That is you.
11. Watch a storm from inside
Next time the wind picks up, grab your biggest blanket and a hot drink and sit by a window. Watch the clouds race and the branches bend, then close your eyes and hear the rain on the glass. There is nothing to do about the weather, and that is the point. Let it be loud outside while you stay warm and still.
12. Sit by firelight
A wood burner, a fire pit or a cluster of candles will do. Switch off the other lights, hold out your hands to the warmth and follow one flame as it dances. Even the busiest mind seems to slow down in front of one. Always use a fireguard indoors, keep children and pets at a safe distance and never leave a flame unattended.
13. Watch the stars with no torch and no phone
On a clear night, wrap up warm, switch off the outside lights and lie back in the garden or another safe, familiar spot. Your eyes need several minutes to adjust, so be patient and let the sky slowly fill up. No apps and no names needed, just look. If your child is still wide awake, bringing them out in pyjamas and blankets can be a lovely shared moment.
14. Warm your pyjamas on the radiator before bed
Drape your pyjamas over the radiator about half an hour before bed and fill a hot water bottle. Wash your face slowly with warm water, then change into something already warm and climb into bed. It seems like a tiny thing, and that is exactly the point. Do keep fabric away from heaters and fires.
15. Turn your phone off an hour before bed
Send a goodnight message to anyone who needs it, switch your phone off completely and leave it charging in another room. Make a caffeine-free tea and do one slow thing, like reading a few pages or writing tomorrow’s to-do list so it is out of your head. The first few nights your hand may go looking for it, which is completely normal. Your messages can wait until morning. If nights are the hardest part, here is more on how to relax when your mind won’t stop at night.
You do not need to try all of these. Pick one that suits today, whether that is a quiet start before the school run or a single lamp once the children are finally asleep. Fifteen minutes is enough to remind your mind that it is allowed to switch off, even on the hardest days. You will find more gentle ideas in our unwind collection for SEN parents.
Looking after you is part of looking after them. For more calm moments made for parents and carers of children with SEN, visit Self-care for SEN parents and carers. And if you’d like simple 10-minute activities to help your child, Mooki Cards starter packs are free until 31 January with the code HELPEVERYCHILD.