The children are finally in bed, the house is quiet, but your head is still going. Replaying the call from school. Writing tomorrow’s email to the SENCo. Remembering the form you forgot to send back. Your body is on the sofa, but your mind won’t stop. If you can’t switch off at night as an SEN parent, this will sound familiar.
If you can’t switch off at night, you’re in good company. For mums of children with SEN it’s often even harder, because the day doesn’t really end. You finish one job and start the next: appointments to book, EHCP paperwork, a meltdown to help with, a job of your own on top, and the washing. You’re “on” all the time, and that mental load doesn’t clock off when the lights go down.
Here’s why it happens, and the small, cosy steps that help you relax at the end of the day, even when there’s only fifteen minutes to spare.
Why can’t I switch off at night?
There are usually a few things going on at once:
- There’s no clear end to the day. School emails, parent group chats and work messages on your phone blur the line between the busy part of the day and rest.
- Unfinished tasks stay “open” in your head. Your brain keeps reminding you about anything left undone, from the referral you’re waiting on to the reply you still need to write.
- There’s no gap before the next shift. If you go straight from work or the school run into tea, homework and bedtime, your mind never gets the signal to slow down.
- You’re always on alert. When you’re used to watching for the next meltdown or the next phone call, it can be hard to tell your body it’s allowed to stand down. Caring for parents as well, and the effects of perimenopause on sleep and mood, can make it harder still.
How to stop your mind racing at the end of the day
1. Write tomorrow’s worries down, then close the notebook
Give the mental load somewhere to go that isn’t your head. Jot down tomorrow’s calls, forms and anything nagging at you, then close the notebook. It’ll all still be there in the morning. Ten minutes of writing with no structure is plenty.
2. Put your phone in another room
One quick look at your inbox or the class WhatsApp can undo all your good intentions. Fifteen minutes without notifications lets your shoulders drop.
3. Change into your comfiest clothes straight away
Taking off your work or school-run clothes is a simple signal that the busy part of the day is over.
4. Make a “commute” if you’re home all day
If you work from home or you’re at home caring, a short walk round the block, ideally somewhere green, creates the gap your mind needs between “doing” and resting.
How to relax after a stressful day
5. Switch off the big light
Harsh overhead lighting keeps us in “doing” mode. A lamp or two softens the whole room, and many children find softer light calmer at bedtime too.
6. Light a candle once the house is quiet
A candle on the table turns an ordinary weeknight into something a little special, and marks the start of time that’s yours.
7. Make a hot drink and drink it somewhere quiet
Sit down with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and drink it until it’s finished, while it’s still hot. It’s a lovely way to relax at the end of the day without reaching for a glass of wine.
8. Sit in your cosy corner
One chair, one blanket, one lamp, and no paperwork nearby. Keep it as the one spot in the house where nothing needs doing.
9. Write down three good things from the day
When a hard day is all you can think about, noting three small good things helps you put it down. A smile at the school gate, a calmer bedtime, a kind word from a teacher all count.
How to wind down when you’re too wired to sleep
10. Take a slow, unhurried bath
Warm water, a candle and no rush to get out.
11. Dim the lights an hour before bed
Lower lights and no screens help your evening wind down gently instead of ending in a scroll.
12. Turn your phone off an hour before bed
If school emails, work messages or late-night research into your child’s needs find their way into your evening, this one makes the biggest difference.
A simple 15-minute switch-off routine
- Minutes 1 to 3: write tomorrow’s list, then put your phone in another room.
- Minutes 4 to 5: change into something soft, switch off the big light and light a candle.
- Minutes 6 to 15: sit in your cosy spot with a hot drink and do nothing else until it’s finished.
If you can, take your fifteen minutes before the bedtime routine as well as after. Children borrow our calm, so a few minutes to settle yourself first can make bedtime gentler for both of you. You’ll be better company for it.
Inspired by hygge, the Danish idea of cosy comfort, these small calm moments aren’t about getting everything done. They’re about giving your mind permission to stop for a while. For more ideas, try these calm moments for when your mind won’t switch off.
When you can’t switch off most nights
If you can’t switch off most evenings, can’t sleep because you’re stressed, or feel anxious or low for a long time, please speak to your GP. If perimenopause might be playing a part, the NHS menopause pages are a good place to start, and Mind has helpful information on stress and where to find support. Caring for a child with SEN is a lot to carry, and you deserve support too.
Looking after you is part of looking after them. For more calm moments made for mums of children with SEN, visit For parents. And if you’d like simple 10-minute activities to help your child, Mooki Cards starter packs are free until 31 January with the code HELPEVERYCHILD.